I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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