And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
