Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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