Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
