Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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