it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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