The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
