Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
