I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
