so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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