you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize