I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
