if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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