Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
