My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
