Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
