He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
