Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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