I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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