I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
