Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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