Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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