Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
