who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
