The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
i think my cat just said my name.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
