Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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