Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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