Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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