He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
