i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.