So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND