I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?