Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
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Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
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The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar