Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?