i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize