saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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