i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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