what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
