Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
