the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
