Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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