the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Randomize
