also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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