Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
