Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
