I didn't shave. On purpose
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Let the clothes fall where they may.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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