I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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