Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
