Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
