remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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