Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
