i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
