I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
