in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
