halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
