My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize