can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We need to rekindle our bromance
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
