People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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