fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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