So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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