so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
