apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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