It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
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But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
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And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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