Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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