WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
