The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
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New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
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When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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