you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
