Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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