When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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