i just had sex bonerless
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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