Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
