He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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