The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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