eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
