woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
