You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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