gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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