he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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