I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
