Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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