We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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