Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
